This isn’t a typical, funny, fluffy post. FYI.
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I hardly ever read the first section of the newspaper. The man heckles me over it, mocking my head-in-the-sand policy, but I just find most of it too upsetting. I found I was especially sensitive while I was pregnant, & renounced the paper as a whole & only read the science & book review sections of the Economist. (Really, the most interesting parts of the Economist. I briefly tried to dredge through reading the whole thing - political & economical junk as well as the interesting new discoveries in tit-mouse reproduction, & the review of the autobiography of the noodle king of China. I read it on the train, & I found that when I got to work, I felt no smarter, could remember none of the thrilling information about the umm… thrilling stuff, and I was groggy from trying so hard to stay awake through it all.)
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When Amoryn was uh… I’m not sure how old, I realized that I was completely insulated from current events. I enjoyed this for a while, then one day, as I wondered “What stock market crash?” I decided that maybe I should keep up just a little bit. The tactic I chose was to read the verb in each article’s title, & judge from there. It’s pretty effective; you can dodge upsetting or boring things like “Kills”, “Attack”, “Spending”, etc. I also tend to read the little blurbs down the sides – if it’s only a paragraph of info, I can usually deal with it. I usually skim pretty heavily, and if the article is interesting, then I’ll read the whole thing at length. If it’s not, I’ve only wasted a little bit of time & virtually no precious brain power on it. (Yes dear man, I can hear you: “But if you don’t know what’s happening, & you don’t like it, how can you change it?”)
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I had read a while back of a mother who was freed from wrongful imprisonment for the death of her daughter. The forensic pathologist who did the autopsy & testified is being inquested*. Today I skimmed a further article about this doctor, & the inquest. I wasn’t expecting anything to jarring or new; it’s just one of the things that I recall, because it resonates – how awful for a mother to loose her 21 month old child, and then to have it compounded by being wrongfully convicted in her death, due to the pathologist’s mistakes!** I suppose I was hoping to hear that he receives some punishment that will make things equal, no matter how unlikely that really is.
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What I wasn’t expecting was to read something that would jar me completely. “A 14-year-old boy who had been babysitting Jenna the night of her death later admitted to an undercover officer that he had killed Jenna. He pleaded guilty to manslaughter last year and is now serving a 22-month youth sentence.” That, coupled with the previous paragraph “Re-examinations of Jenna's file indicate she died of internal bleeding caused by a blow to her abdomen, as Dr. Smith concluded, but that her injuries also included bruising and abrasion to her genitals and anus.”
.
A 14-year old boy. A babysitter. Killed the baby. And now is serving 22 months? Which is ONE MONTH more than the baby had ever been alive? And the 21 month old had been what? And what? And what? This is where my brain essentially shut down completely. This is where I want to never, ever go to work, never leave Amoryn alone with another individual, never ever use a babysitter. Never. She can be home-schooled too. The man & I don’t need to go anywhere without her. Ever. I know it’s all irrational, and it will fade in a day or two, but today, Amoryn gets lots of extra hugs & smooshes.
.
It really disturbs me when I hear of any abuse or sexual assault against children, especially babies. It throws a rock in my pond, and I’m left wondering how a person could ever do such a thing, how a baby, a child could ever be viewed in that sexual way. I really don’t care what people do for their kicks, as long as they’re doing it with other consenting adults. Straight? Okay. Gay? Sure. Like dressing up in mohair animal costumes? I don’t get it, but whatever.
.
I feel tainted by even hearing about any child abuse cases, because inevitably, as I’m bathing or changing my girl, I will find myself wondering how on earth anyone could do such things to babies, and how I can protect her. It also brings up memories – the ex in Moose Jaw who was a pedophile that I turned in to the police. The months I spent not really sleeping or eating, trying to deal with everything. Some of the things the ex told me – things that happened to him as a child. Things that he did as a youth, to other children. The images that I found on his computer that started it all off. All that messy, unpleasant craziness. It’s awful. As one counselor told me “It’s okay to feel sympathy if the dog was kicked as a puppy. But that doesn’t change the dog being rabid now.” What about all the children out there being bit by the rabid dogs?
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It makes me brood. Sometimes it makes me cry in anger & sorrow. And I don’t want to be a weeping, brooding, overprotective mother. But really, when I read the paper, how can I not be? Where is the solution here? How I control the world so my baby, all babies are protected? What is the answer? Have I benefited anything by reading today’s paper?
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The only answer I have is that no, the paper did me no good today. I was already aware that the world contains pedophiles & abusers & liars & cheats. I guess all I can do is try to be a protective, smart mother, who doesn’t stifle her child, or leave her open & available to any kind of abuse. It’s tough as someone dealing with this all in a hypothetical way; I can’t imagine trying to survive any of the abuse.
.
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This is today’s article, if you’re interested; there are links to other articles in the case at the bottom of it. It’s not something I’m going to recommend or suggest; it’s just there if you’re curious as to what set me off.
http://www.nationalpost.com/todays_paper/story.html?id=241805
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.
I hardly ever read the first section of the newspaper. The man heckles me over it, mocking my head-in-the-sand policy, but I just find most of it too upsetting. I found I was especially sensitive while I was pregnant, & renounced the paper as a whole & only read the science & book review sections of the Economist. (Really, the most interesting parts of the Economist. I briefly tried to dredge through reading the whole thing - political & economical junk as well as the interesting new discoveries in tit-mouse reproduction, & the review of the autobiography of the noodle king of China. I read it on the train, & I found that when I got to work, I felt no smarter, could remember none of the thrilling information about the umm… thrilling stuff, and I was groggy from trying so hard to stay awake through it all.)
.
When Amoryn was uh… I’m not sure how old, I realized that I was completely insulated from current events. I enjoyed this for a while, then one day, as I wondered “What stock market crash?” I decided that maybe I should keep up just a little bit. The tactic I chose was to read the verb in each article’s title, & judge from there. It’s pretty effective; you can dodge upsetting or boring things like “Kills”, “Attack”, “Spending”, etc. I also tend to read the little blurbs down the sides – if it’s only a paragraph of info, I can usually deal with it. I usually skim pretty heavily, and if the article is interesting, then I’ll read the whole thing at length. If it’s not, I’ve only wasted a little bit of time & virtually no precious brain power on it. (Yes dear man, I can hear you: “But if you don’t know what’s happening, & you don’t like it, how can you change it?”)
.
I had read a while back of a mother who was freed from wrongful imprisonment for the death of her daughter. The forensic pathologist who did the autopsy & testified is being inquested*. Today I skimmed a further article about this doctor, & the inquest. I wasn’t expecting anything to jarring or new; it’s just one of the things that I recall, because it resonates – how awful for a mother to loose her 21 month old child, and then to have it compounded by being wrongfully convicted in her death, due to the pathologist’s mistakes!** I suppose I was hoping to hear that he receives some punishment that will make things equal, no matter how unlikely that really is.
.
What I wasn’t expecting was to read something that would jar me completely. “A 14-year-old boy who had been babysitting Jenna the night of her death later admitted to an undercover officer that he had killed Jenna. He pleaded guilty to manslaughter last year and is now serving a 22-month youth sentence.” That, coupled with the previous paragraph “Re-examinations of Jenna's file indicate she died of internal bleeding caused by a blow to her abdomen, as Dr. Smith concluded, but that her injuries also included bruising and abrasion to her genitals and anus.”
.
A 14-year old boy. A babysitter. Killed the baby. And now is serving 22 months? Which is ONE MONTH more than the baby had ever been alive? And the 21 month old had been what? And what? And what? This is where my brain essentially shut down completely. This is where I want to never, ever go to work, never leave Amoryn alone with another individual, never ever use a babysitter. Never. She can be home-schooled too. The man & I don’t need to go anywhere without her. Ever. I know it’s all irrational, and it will fade in a day or two, but today, Amoryn gets lots of extra hugs & smooshes.
.
It really disturbs me when I hear of any abuse or sexual assault against children, especially babies. It throws a rock in my pond, and I’m left wondering how a person could ever do such a thing, how a baby, a child could ever be viewed in that sexual way. I really don’t care what people do for their kicks, as long as they’re doing it with other consenting adults. Straight? Okay. Gay? Sure. Like dressing up in mohair animal costumes? I don’t get it, but whatever.
.
I feel tainted by even hearing about any child abuse cases, because inevitably, as I’m bathing or changing my girl, I will find myself wondering how on earth anyone could do such things to babies, and how I can protect her. It also brings up memories – the ex in Moose Jaw who was a pedophile that I turned in to the police. The months I spent not really sleeping or eating, trying to deal with everything. Some of the things the ex told me – things that happened to him as a child. Things that he did as a youth, to other children. The images that I found on his computer that started it all off. All that messy, unpleasant craziness. It’s awful. As one counselor told me “It’s okay to feel sympathy if the dog was kicked as a puppy. But that doesn’t change the dog being rabid now.” What about all the children out there being bit by the rabid dogs?
.
It makes me brood. Sometimes it makes me cry in anger & sorrow. And I don’t want to be a weeping, brooding, overprotective mother. But really, when I read the paper, how can I not be? Where is the solution here? How I control the world so my baby, all babies are protected? What is the answer? Have I benefited anything by reading today’s paper?
.
The only answer I have is that no, the paper did me no good today. I was already aware that the world contains pedophiles & abusers & liars & cheats. I guess all I can do is try to be a protective, smart mother, who doesn’t stifle her child, or leave her open & available to any kind of abuse. It’s tough as someone dealing with this all in a hypothetical way; I can’t imagine trying to survive any of the abuse.
.
.
This is today’s article, if you’re interested; there are links to other articles in the case at the bottom of it. It’s not something I’m going to recommend or suggest; it’s just there if you’re curious as to what set me off.
http://www.nationalpost.com/todays_paper/story.html?id=241805
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Time to go & wake the girl; morning naptime is over.
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*As far as I recall, & if I can actually use “inquested” in a sentence.
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**The initial blurb mentioned nothing of the suspected child abuse; only the wrongful imprisonment. As I read more, I learn that perhaps it was understandable that the mother be accused; but I still have that first emotional impact coloring my reading.
*As far as I recall, & if I can actually use “inquested” in a sentence.
.
**The initial blurb mentioned nothing of the suspected child abuse; only the wrongful imprisonment. As I read more, I learn that perhaps it was understandable that the mother be accused; but I still have that first emotional impact coloring my reading.
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