Blue Christmas

Yes, I finally accepted that I'm a little depressed, a la post-partum, these days. (PPD for short.) It's not just a run of a couple bad days. A couple weeks ago, I realized that I was entirely too wobbly & close to tears. I figured that we all could use a fun day, so Amoryn got to watch all the movies she wanted (Nemo! Wall-E! Tinkerbell! Elmo!), Eleni got as much milk as she could drink (okay, so that's SOP*), and other than providing food & libation for the minors, I knitted & napped.

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It was okay. Not too much different than if I'd spent all day doing laundry. (That statement should be accompanied by huge alarm bells! Klaxons! Sirens! Machines saying "moop moop moop" in an urgent way!) I reviewed the depression questionnaire in my head, and sure enough. Not just a couple blue days.

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I've been depressed a couple times before, and I've found the sooner you start, the easier it is to shake. I didn't have any troubles with post-partum when I had Amoryn, but it was also coming into summer, not winter, so there was no SAD icing for my PPD cupcake of gloom.

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I talked to the man about it. Then, a day later, I had a bit of a meltdown and ranted & raved & hicupped & snotted all over the place. (I don't cry so gracefully.) I'm not sure if he really understands how I'm feeling, but he's sure being supportive & open to talking about whatever I need to. (An engineer? Talking about feelings? Wow, man.) I've also talked to different friends. And now that I've quite denying the depression, it's getting easier to fight.

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I also made an appointment, talked to my doctor, and have a couple things that I'm trying before I make a break for prescription meds. There are lots of Rx options that are safe for nursing mothers, but I'd rather not, if I can. I'm using my light book, taking vitamin D supplements, and trying to get lots of sleep & physical activity too. I'm also not succumbing to that little voice that suggests that I'm useless, no matter what I get done, there will always be more to do, and I'll probably just screw that up too, so I may as well quit trying. (That snide little voice is part of my depression.)
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I think it's helping; it's hard to say for certain so soon. There's this Christmas thing I remembered - you may have heard of it?** So I've taken that into hand, and at this moment, have two gifts left to wrap. I also have to hunt down some batiks for El's stocking.

I used up everything in my stash for Am's. (L-R: mine, the man's, the girl's. I'm hoping to find acid green & purple for the smallest.)

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(Cards? Prezzies? Parcels mailed? Tree? Check.)

(The prezzies are all stashed elsewhere. The tree alone is almost too much excitement. Blue lights are coincidental.)

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I'm almost finished a little gifty for someone special - wanna peek?

(A violation of my no deadline-gifty policy. But so worth it!)

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It was also Eleni's first vaccination yesterday - yes, we get the kids vaccinated. The health nurse was not so helpful in some ways; I filled out the little worksheet, and she confirmed that indeed, I seem to be suffering from PPD. Her attempts at comfort were a little rough. On the other hand, she was a great source of information about support available through the health region, and she was trying really hard.

(El, all grown up & sophistimicated in pants AND shoes...)

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I think the biggest help - the single thing that's the most help fighting that nasty snide little voice in my head - is the fact that I have such a great support system. I honestly don't know what I'd do without all the people that I love, that love me back.

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And I don't know what else to say, other than - any suggestions on what I should make for supper?

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*SOP - Standard Operating Procedure

**Literally. I was all "HOLY CRAP THERE ARE ONLY HOW MANY DAYS UNTIL XMAS? DOOM!!!!!"