Oh, spring.

I don't like spring. I wish I could; I wish I could thrill to every little melt & thaw; but I just feel a little cranky.

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I know part of it is my allergy to mold, and spring is full of mold. Everything that died last fall, or that has been left in a snowbank, is now molding away, happy as can be. And until there's a couple good rains & some sincere growth of plants, it's just wretched for me to be outside. The plants growing sort of mat the crap down, & help turn it from noxious* mold into nice dirt.

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Maybe it's spring here in Calgary - in Saskatchewan, it would be winter, then all the water in the ditches would melt, and we could go puddling, and then it's spring, then summer. Here, there's some melt, there's some snow, there's some more melt, then there's the dirty roads full of pea gravel & dust & salt. Dust! Another bane of my existence**. Weather in Calgary is more exhausting than that unmedicated manic-depressive I used to date. (Sunny! Cloudy. Sunny! Windy. Happy! Angry. Happy!.)

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(We have a walk-out basement, & this is the side of the yard that leads down from the front to the back. I love it. There's creeping thyme that grows all up the steps, & most of the plants here are alpine varieties, with the exception of some asiatic lilies.)

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And intarweb, I have to admit - I'm feeling especially negative this spring because the man's plan to enlarge the garden 'a little bit' has exploded into a massive rework of the back pods. And I don't like it all. I like it just the way it is. I'm totally hung up on imagining the kids running through the pathways, shrieking in delight, and the man's vision isn't very conducive to that. I'm having a hard time puttng anything into words other than "NO BUT I DON'T WANT TO CHANGE IT I LOVE IT HOW IT IS DON'T YOU REMEMBER THAT I ALMOST MURDERED YOU THE LAST TIME WE HAD BRICK PROJECTS IN THE YARD?"**** . Not the best way to reason, I know. And I've carefully explored my motives for resisting this change, & it's not the change - I'm cool with the garden expansion***, I really am just in love with the pods just the way they are.

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(This is about half of the pods, and we've since changed ground cover from clover - which was completely NUTS - to killing the cover, which has been a challenge. The pods are actually a couple bricks higher - the insane clover was misleaing.)

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Part of my brain is whining "you should be more supporrrrrtive....", but dudes, I just don't like the idea. I adore the garden. And I don't care that it's taking the daylilies a little while to establish; this is only their third year cming up! And unlike a haircut, the bricks won't just grow back to how they were, so I'm really loath to say "Sure, let's try it!"

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What is potentially most upsetting to me is the feeling that the man is going to charge ahead & do as he pleases with the backyard, and pretty much ignore my opinions & concerns because 'he's right'. And "what else is a yard for but growing plants"? (Growing small children into big kids. Working well so far on Amoryn.)

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So, for now, bah springbug. Once it's nice enough to go to the garden center, and enjoy mulling all the little plants that we can bring to the yard, I'll feel better. Until then, *grumble grumble grumble*. I'm going to go * knit & try to recover my serene mojo.

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*To me. Especially this spring, where I have no recourse to OTC meds because I'm knocked up. All I have is Tylenol & a Neti pot. Tylenol doesn't do much for sinus allergies, and the Neti pot, well. I'm getting used to it, & it does help, but it's still a little bit of 'the cure is worse than the disease'.

**I'd like to claim that this is why my house could use a good dust - I'm leaving it be for health reasons - but if it is the case, my subconscious has cleverly cloaked that self-preservation instinct in laziness.

***After a very clear negotiation of firepit ease.

****It's true. We moved three or nine tons of brincks into the back yard, via wheelbarrow, and as there was enough of a supply, he bagean buildng, & I carried on with the lame duck wheelbarrow. I even had the brick lifted in my hand, and I was thinking "you know, I could stop moving bricks if ..."... Then I decided I needed a break, and went for a shower & a nap.